I am a Mom, a prayer warrior, and also a therapist, but despite all these impressive accolades, I worry a lot. I worry when my kids are invited to parties that involve swimming, even though they can swim confidently, sometimes, I also dissuade them from going only because I will not be there. Most times, I worry about little things even after praying about such things. Why do I do this? I am so sure I am not the only mother that battles with this anxiety. The funny thing is I also pray a lot. Still, I ask myself, do I use my praying sessions as a coping strategy just for the in moment support when the anxiety rears its ugly head, or do I truly trust in the power of prayer?, do I fully trust that God has everything under His control?

This past weekend, we had an awesome couple visit us, and our conversation with them brought to light the general fears mothers battle with despite our perception of being spiritual. But my “aha moment” did not flicker until I told her that even as a therapist, my anxiety is deeply rooted in fear, and my fear is also rooted in my past trauma of losing a couple of relatives while growing up.

Some of us are still going around with traumas from our past years, we have refused to relinquish the pains, hurts, and fears of our earlier years, and we unknowingly project that hurt onto our parenting styles. We are scared of what could, may or may not happen, and in a way, we deprive our children of so many excellent opportunities of learning to do a lot of things that we never had the opportunities to do while growing up.

So, for me, I have made up my mind to continue praying but not only as a coping strategy but then also to let bygones be bygones and reinforce my belief in God. I have decided to relinquish all my past trauma and also toss any lingering hurt from previous losses onto the sea of forgetfulness and ask for the grace to live life to the fullest, knowing that I have a Father in Heaven who has my back, what about you? Will you join me in still committing our children, plans and all issues to God in prayer and letting Him handle it all and also be at peace to allow our children to enjoy their lives having the wisdom and the wherewithal of how to behave responsibly as we have brought them up to do without limiting them.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456

Personally, I prefer summer to winter, for me, summer is my go-to weather, however I also secretly adore winter, because it keeps me indoors and helps me to keep a track on my spending. Whereas I do have friends that cannot stand summer. Some feel it puts pressure on them to get out of the house and to spend more and as for winter, I also know a couple of people that simply adore the cold weather. Some actually say it forces youngsters to dress responsibly:)

Truth be told there are a few people that dread this coming winter simply because it becomes so dark and cold, some people actually dread the time to change the clock backward ritual simply because it signifies the approach of winter and such people may even refuse to get up and get going in winter, possibly you know some others that sleep all the time during winter or they might be having trouble sleeping at night because of their sad moods.

The Mayo Clinic, shares that “people that dread or are even depressed at certain times / seasons of the year are possibly experiencing what is called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) which according to them is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons — SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year.”

Perhaps, it is time for you to keep an eye open for some of your friends that may feel sad, hopeless, irritable or even lose interest in things they used to enjoy during this period, it will be great if you can help them get the assistance they need. They may need to speak with a Therapist or even book an appointment with their Family Physicians who can assist them in getting to the root of the problem. There may be other causes to whats going on and you never know what a few minutes of talking to someone may actually do for you or your friends.

If you or a loved one are suffering from depression or anxiety and would also like to explore treatment options, please reach out. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456

References

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20364651

Photo by Oleg Magni from Pexels

It was supposed to be our date night. As a therapist, I advocate for date nights during couples sessions with clients, and I try to walk my talk. Date nights are usually weekly evenings spent with one’s spouse solely focussed on rekindling the love in their relationship. Couples sometimes go out to eat, watch movies together or spend some hours in the company of each other, and this habit helps to restore love, repair relationships, and improve communication and intimacy amongst couples in general.

But then mine seemed to be spiraling negatively downwards this particular night even before we stepped out of the house. In retrospect, I should not have taken the phone call. I should have called the person back. But then I did, and trying to be the peacekeeper sometimes leaves a residue of stress on me. I could feel I was emotionally drained, and traces of micro-aggressions were directed at me in the process of it all.

So, what did I do to have my peace back? I did what Jenee Johnson said in her Mindful Magazine interview; she shared that when micro-aggressions come, mindfulness offers one protection. We don’t have to be caught up and reactive. We can have self-compassion, and that self-compassion builds our courage.

So engaging in mindfulness helped to ground me that night, I quickly participated in a brief body scan exercise. I went through all my body parts one by one starting from my head to my shoulders and down to my toes. This activity brought full relaxation to me and helped me to become mindful and fully present in my body. It also brought back the joyful mood that I so much needed, and finally helped me to stop carrying the burden that was not mine to carry and allowed me to move fully into my joy and enjoy my date night with my spouse.

If you or a loved one want to know how to calm yourself or re-center yourself when you are stressed and are interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may help.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456
Photo by Lon Christensen on Unsplash

A couple of years ago, I lost one of my younger brothers, at that moment I was so sure I would never be able to laugh again, my heart was broken, I knew a part of my life was ripped off by the sudden loss of my brother, and I thought that was it. Fast forward to a couple of years later, I am happy again, I have smiled since then, I have adjusted to his absence not because I don’t miss him but simply because according to Psychologist Sasha Heinz, I have adapted to the reality of not having him in my life anymore. Sasha defined the well-known psychological phenomenon as ‘hedonic adaptation’ sometimes called the ‘hedonic treadmill’, she shared that humans tend to have a ‘set’ level of happiness, or unhappiness, which they return to regardless of major life events, good or bad.

I also remember when we were building our new house, I just could not wait for us to move in, the house felt like a hotel, I was always mesmerized each time I visited the site and when we eventually moved in I simply enjoyed every single feeling of living in it but fast forward to five years after living in it, the house is still beautiful, but the magic is gone and now thinking of hedonic adaptation. I sincerely believe that it does happen. It is not a matter of not being grateful or taking things for granted; it is the human nature of us, confirming that the thrill of events does not last. Dr Heidi Halvorson – another Psychologist also confirmed that no matter how good something makes us feel (or, for the record, how bad), most of the time we drift back to where we started, emotionally-speaking. So, whether it is that sad news or the very joyful news that took our breath away..we will surely go back to our normal eventually.

However, I am happy that after recently visiting a country and seeing the hard living conditions of the place, as soon as I stepped my feet back into our house. I fell totally in love again with it. I appreciated the fact that I have a place to call mine.

So, ask yourself, are there things in your life, that you need to resuscitate your love for? You may need to take a gratitude journey somewhere and let that brighten your level of appreciation again, or possibly you may need to check the influence of others on you, and probably you are beginning to find yourself in the rat race of competition, e.g. through social media, or maybe, just maybe you are in the attitude of rushing your happiness euphoria…you can actually spread it out, when you buy that blouse… don’t rush to wear it this week…wait until next week perhaps:)

I am glad that my deep pain for the loss of my brother has lessened; however, I know that on his birthday or at special family occasions, I do miss him, but I also know that he is up there looking down and cheering me on to keep smiling and living for him.

Wherever you are on the journey of life, and you need someone to walk through life with you, then call on us at New Beginnings Barrie Psychotherapy & Counselling.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456

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There is one thing I love and also hate about my husband of over two decades, and that is his ability to make me smile even when I am dead set angry at him. He finds a way of injecting humour into every situation, even right there amid a very serious argument, while I am still seething in anger and planning my next move to get back at him. Then he says or does something, and that brings a smile to my face and crumbles the wall of resentment that I was trying so hard to erect against him. People wonder if we ever fight and I ask myself, how do I get mad at this guy that finds a way of melting my heart, even in the midst of conflicts?

While getting myself ready for a session that borders on conflict resolution skills, I was reminded of humour being one of the skills that one can make use of to resolve conflicts within a relationship creatively and this brought to mind my very own relationship and the real benefits of humour.

So, my next question is, when was the last time you laughingly ended a fight with your partner without letting it escalate further? Humour opens our eyes to a lot of good things in life; it makes us feel light and also confirms that life is what we make of it. Conflicts will arise, and your hubby will feel like a jerk sometimes. But be truthful..you will hate yourself for some things you did or said, but then after reviewing the situation, you should try to make light of the situation and apologize jokingly. Try using humour to strengthen your relationships. As a therapist, sometimes I inject humour into my sessions depending on the circumstances, most times I realize this in a way help to build rapport and trust between us and some of my clients feel relaxed even from their very first session with me. So, if you think you need to talk to someone, do feel free to give us a call at New Beginnings Barrie, we will be glad to help you smile again even amidst your pain and walk the journey with you.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456

Photo by Hybrid @artbyhybrid

I could not take my eyes off them, they were practically drooling all over each other, the gentleman was lovingly holding onto the woman’s hands, and right there in the middle of the street, these lovebirds were hugging and kissing at every slightest moment. It felt like a script straight from a love novel. You know the kind of love Richard Gere had for Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. They both seemed forever happy.

I wonder if they do fight about who will take the kids to the next soccer practice or who will load the next dishwasher, do they even argue at all? They seemed so perfectly in love.

So many questions went through my mind just by looking at them but having been married for over two decades and being a Couples Therapist, I know that conflict is indeed a part of relationships in general, once in a while conflict will rear its ugly head even in this seemingly perfect relationship.

Murray Bowen shares that unfinished emotional business sometimes stays with us, making us vulnerable to repeat conflicts we never worked out with our families. So, in short, fights are inevitable in a relationship, sometimes, some baggage of conflicts that we checked into our marriage with us, or new patterns of behaviour that our partners are not comfortable with, peradventure, right there in the midst of our lovey-dovey lives, some conflicts will erupt like volcanoes but then do we fight fair?

How do you resolve conflicts in your relationships constructively and not destructively? How do you forgive and start over again? How can you learn to listen attentively to respond and not to react? And finally, how do you both learn to love and trust again?

If you are struggling in your relationship or conflicts seem to be the norm nowadays in your relationship, and you will like to be assisted in learning how to identify the different attachment struggles in your relationship, perhaps you want to know how to speak to each other in love amidst the anger or how to facilitate better ways of relating lovingly to each other. Then call on us at New Beginnings Barrie, and we will be glad to walk the journey with you and your spouse.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456
Image by: Unsplash

Have you been a little secretive lately?

Have you recently changed your password to deny your spouse access to your phone?

Or perhaps you are sensing a fantastic combination of pure bliss and peace and a beautiful smile forms on your lips as you remember your last conversation with her. The guilty feelings are quickly washed away as you look forward to hearing from that lady at your office who gets you more than your wife.

My next question is, who else do you open up to apart from your spouse?

An emotional affair can be deceiving, most times you justify the need to bond emotionally with a co-worker other than your spouse just because they don’t question you, they understand you… you may even unintentionally start to become sexually attracted to the person, and begin to look forward to hearing from him/her.

In marriage, discussing with your spouse issues of the heart is in order, but bonding emotionally with someone else apart from your spouse may inadvertently hurt your relationship and evoke some troubles.

Sue Johnson – the originator of Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT), contends that humans are hardwired for connection and bonding. When that bond is broken, the relationship is vulnerable to infidelity.

Do you feel you may have inadvertently allowed someone else intrude your innermost thoughts apart from your spouse? Be rest assured that affairs do occur in happy marriages as well. That innocent encounter with a former boyfriend may turn into an affair if boundaries are not put in place.

So do you want things straightened out between you and your spouse?

Are you suffering from the emotional bond outside of your marriage and want to straighten things out?

We can help. Reach out to us whether it is an emotional affair, sexual affair, or even a one night stand. We can help you, and your spouse forgive each other, build trust again in the relationship, process issues together, move on and start all over again. We will engage in active listening, display empathy towards you both and maintain a non-judgemental stance.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456

Photo by Kaboompics .com from Pexels

The measuring scale in our bathroom displayed 70.5kg, and I jumped up with so much joy seeing the new result. My heart was full because I had finally managed to cross over into the ’70s and this time around, I made up my mind to keep working at it. I would not let work stress, exam anxiety or whatever stress I may face deplete my weight any longer. For the past few weeks, I had hovered under the ’70s. I know some of you will be asking “what’s wrong with this woman?”, Who on earth rejoices when they put on weight? I know it is odd to find people in our world today rejoicing at their new weight, but truthfully speaking, there are people in my shoes who battle with putting on weight.

Growing up in Nigeria, I never really knew the full meaning of “body shaming” but I knew I had so many Aunties and Uncles who unintentionally would “lovingly” scold me to eat more to add more weight, their comments helped to fuel a lot of self-esteem issues in me. “Oh” how I so much wanted to add weight at all cost, how I so much wanted the Iro & Buba – the Nigerian Traditional attire for women to fit perfectly to my shape in those days. Well, they do now thanks to invention.

You see I grew up looking like my father, I’ve always had his slim body shape, and even though some of my friends wished they had my figure, deep down in my heart, I wanted to look well rounded, you know a bit of flesh here and there. In the part of the world where I am from while growing up, the heavier you are, the more respect you garner. Even if you are financially okay, but you don’t have the weight to go with the change in your pocket, they will automatically assume you are someone else.

Not having enough weight bothered me. Every month, my weight fluctuates. I looked forward and prayed to gain just an extra 5kg. Most times I vary between my dress sizes, sometimes I am a size 10, sometimes I can perfectly fit into a size 12 and sometimes especially when I am pregnant. I am a size 14. I remember weeks before I got married, a family friend advised me to drink Guinness stout and raw eggs to gain some weight so that my wedding gown would fit perfectly on me. Truth be told, I drank a bottle of stout mixed with raw eggs once and just could not continue because of the bitter taste and also because of the alcohol content.

So, when did I obtain my freedom? It was when I began to embrace myself. My hubby tried to encourage me, shared with me regularly that he loves my figure, and validates my emotions around my weight fluctuations. But you see words of admiration mean nothing if you don’t accept yourself.

Over time, I looked within me, and I realised I am going to be with myself for the rest of my life. Thus, I started on a journey of self-loving and gratitude, and that led to accepting who I am. I learned to love myself, and I also learned to be grateful for the masterpiece God created. The day that I fell in love with my shape was the beginning of my healing. It was indeed an “aha” moment and a new season for me. For the first time, I stopped wanting to look like someone else and devoted myself to enjoying my shape. Now and then, my weight still fluctuates, but then I wear my size, and I accept it as part of me now. I never let it bother me as it used to. I am finally loving myself.

I don’t know what you are battling with, perhaps you have been body shamed for putting on so much weight, or you are like me checking and checking the scale to see if you can add a little bit more. I want you to know that you are beautiful the way you are. Embrace who you are, exercise if need be but for yourself and to stay healthy not because you are being forced to do it but because you want to live longer and if you feel like talking about it with a therapist. Please go ahead and book an appointment and I would be more than happy to discuss how I may help.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456

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We all battle with different day to day activities, some of us are confronted with the daily struggles of juggling work, family engagements, carpools, soccer and basketball practices and PTA meetings.

So, how do you manage stress in your life? The below picture gives you different ideas on what you can do to manage stress effectively in your life. Be intentional about reducing stress in your life and set time aside to pamper yourself. #newbeginningsbarrie #selfcare #stress management