I am a black Psychotherapist living in North America. I once lived with my family for close to 15 years in South Africa, where apartheid was fought and eradicated.

Here I am, the mother of an almost ten-year-old black boy. I have watched the events of the past few weeks on TV. In as much as I have tried to limit my exposure to social media and I have also been able to regulate my emotions by making use of some of the emotion regulation skills that I practice with my clients in session, I am still distraught.

How do I control my anxieties when my son goes off to school or university, and I am not there?

How do I get over the fear that besets a lot of mothers like me with the same skin color?

Don’t get me wrong, my confidant who has my back always; my prayer partner, my movies buddies who are both grandmothers now, my birthday mate, who is also my adviser and my very kind neighbor, who is fully aware of my pollen allergies, and takes it upon herself to help me with my flowerbeds every year, these women are all white.

I can call upon these women in the middle of the night to pray along with me or assist with some tasks for me, and they will drop everything they are doing and answer me. We have stayed in each other’s homes, prayed for each other’s spouses and families, and have traveled on holidays together, so how do I make sense of these injustices based on the color of my skin?

At work, 90% of my clients are white; my retainership is 95 percent. Initially, I used to think white clients are attracted to me because we are not related, but most of my clients say they appreciate me because of my authenticity and empathy, why? I treat my white clients and my black clients the same. I treat all of them with love and care because this job is a calling for me.

However, I have been subjected to systemic racism in this industry, as well. I remember a time when someone in a place of authority that I was supposed to learn from, denied me that opportunity and cost me to redo a program that she knew was uncalled for, or I often wonder even in the house of God, one rarely gets to see the black community fully represented on the board of elders, in my experience, black people are only shown recognition whenever the situation calls for “diversity” to be displayed.

My hubby has been stopped while driving and asked if he was the owner of the vehicle or when we moved to our neighborhood, being the only black family there, the number of stares we used to get and still get even after having lived here for five years when people drive through our neighborhood if such stares could be sold, my hubby and I would be millionaires today.

I can go on and on; however, two things that I do consistently to aid me to feel better in all of these happenings, is never to fail to pray for my children, the second thing is to do my part as their mother, to provide the best education for them, teach them how to respect themselves and others, teach them to be aware of boundaries, teach them to be confident and to be cordial. I know there will still be gaps, after all, I am not perfect, but in those areas where there are gaps, I am also fully aware that God will take over.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456

Many people are now battling different forms of anxiety as we plan to return to some form of normality after about three months of quarantine and lockdown due to COVID 19. Some are worried their health could be at risk, while some are just not sure it is ideal to go out there yet. People are still anxious and nervous about COVID 19 in general. Some people are not sure church is actually for them this year until a vaccine has been found.

Please, do you.

Don’t let anyone force you out of your home if you are not ready, but on the other hand, don’t succumb to fear or anxiety as well.

As a therapist, I also struggle with some forms of anxiety. For example, when I traveled with my daughter and friends to Israel in 2016, there was a time I declined to join camel riding for the sheer fear of falling. My daughter and my friends had so much fun riding the camels, but they failed in persuading me to join. I had peace not going, yes I missed out, but well, there is always another time or another day, but it was just not that day.

Sometime last year, I was driving, and it began to rain, and I was on a steep bridge, all of a sudden, I became frozen, my legs could not move, and there were cars behind me, and the rain was blinding. There was no way I could stop in the middle of a bridge, I ended up singing and praying, and the anxiety dissipated, and I was able to drive safely.

Anxiety comes in different shapes and forms, and we react to them differently. Anxiety can indeed trigger your flight-or-fight stress response, and this can release a flood of chemicals and hormones, like adrenaline, into your system. This increases your pulse and breathing rate in the short term, so your brain can get more oxygen. This prepares you to respond appropriately to an intense situation. For me, that was what happened when my legs became frozen on the bridge.

As we get ready to go back to normal, maybe you are scared, and you are not prepared to go back to church or your normal activities, please, don’t let anyone make you feel as if you are weak, work it through. Listen to yourself; you may even check in with a trusted family member or a therapist or someone that you know who will not be subjective but be objective and listen and assist you in making up your mind on what to do. Adopt healthy habits such as regular exercise, proper nutrition, and at least seven hours of sleep a night, and this will surely help give your immune system a boost.

As you take your time to go back, do it at your pace. Don’t allow people to force you to join in and ask yourself if this is something you need counseling for and then reach out to a therapist near you.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456

This online webinar is organized by Wisdom Momentum, a collaboration of three highly skilled Mental Health Therapists passionate about mental wellness. In this webinar, you will learn strategies and skills to assist you in managing your mental health and wellness during the pandemic.

Please, come prepared with questions relating to your mental health and relationships.

Kindly use the link below to register:

https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZcodemrqjssH9a6VlpWAu3U5DC2aM-3rgf7?fbclid=IwAR24A5K7C8BMFZpWxof68mSTHWKNlC3EtUNcDy1G0ZlCkopkdFcWIyWDDzI

I only watched a few seconds of the video of an African American gentleman that was killed by the police in the US. I could not even bear to watch the video of Ahmaud Arbery…the gentleman that was killed while jogging…these are all murders captured on video.

What has this world turned into?
What can we do?

I know so many people are sad and distraught, I also know some wept, as I did yesternight, but please kindly find time to process your feelings well and don’t turn your feelings into hatred.

It is indeed okay to be sad after watching such videos, and there is ongoing systemic and individual racism in this world, but what is not okay is to harbor hatred in your heart.

As fellow humans in this world…please do your part by being kind to the next person you meet on the street, say a word of prayer for humanity, and for police brutality and injustice to end and ask yourself daily, what good can I do today?

Regards
Ibukun Ogunsina
New Beginnings Barrie
Psychotherapy and Counselling
www.newbeginningsbarrie.com

Hello to you from the comfort of my home,

I know it has been a while since I have seen you, but this is to touch base with you and to send you positive vibes. This pandemic situation has caught everyone by surprise; however, kindly remember that whatever has a beginning must always have an end.

So, please, in all of this unpleasant situation, create some time to be calm, seize the opportunity to love yourself, learn how to bake, listen to music, organize your pantry, clean out your garage, binge on those Netflix shows and don’t feel guilty about doing so.

Most importantly, I wish you and your loved ones excellent health, especially at a time like this.

Once again, you are thought of by me.
Please, stay safe and healthy.

Regards
Ibukun Ogunsina
www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
705 241 8456

Time to embrace your Tsundoku…

Tsundoku is a Japanese’s word for buying books and not reading them;
letting books pile up unread. So, this is a call for you to embrace
your pile of books now as you are confined to your homes.

#newbeginningsbarrie #selfcare #stayingathome #staypositive
(Definition obtained via Google)

Good day to you all,

As a therapist, I am fully aware of all the stress, anxiety, and fears of COVID-19. I am also mindful that we have been instructed by the Canadian government and our public health authorities to keep a social distance and only congregate if and when necessary. I am also actively aware that you will need your therapy, and thus I have decided to offer online and telephone counselling through Zoom professional to all my clients starting from Monday – March 16. I have the required training in online and telephone counselling and the Zoom professional that I make use of is secured and PHIPA compliant and remains confidential. I also have, as at present many of my clients that do make use of the medium from the comfort of their homes.

Please, kindly note that this decision was based on public health advisory to reduce the risk of exposure to the virus either in trying to get to the office or even at the office. However, you will still have access to me via technology. I am also fully aware of the discomfort this may cause, and thus I am prepared to give you all a 10% discount on what you are presently paying as your fees.

This is to keep you, your family, me, and my family safe as well. Hopefully, when the COVID-19 situation changes and on advice from the appropriate authorities, our normal lives will resume, and face to face counselling sessions will start again.

Kindly send a reply to me if you are okay with this, and I will forward a link to you before your session, and payment can be sent to me via e-transfer using my email address before the session. Please, do not forget to deduct 10% from your fees as my contribution to making you feel better in all of this stressful period.

Always in your service.
Ibukun Ogunsina
www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: newbeginningsbarrie@gmail.com
Tel: 705 241 8456

Thank you for your business!