Ibukun Ogunsina | New Beginnings Barrie
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It was getting to the end of winter again and in my family, that time of the year comes with the joyful feeling of March Break and which translates to a week’s holidays for the children. My family takes much joy in vacations; whether we are engaging in road trips or flying, we like to […]
It was getting to the end of winter again and in my family, that time of the year comes with the joyful feeling of March Break and which translates to a week’s holidays for the children. My family takes much joy in vacations; whether we are engaging in road trips or flying, we like to take full advantage of the environment we are in. But this particular year, I had the idea to stay home instead of travelling to another place. I thought we should stay in and have a staycation. I felt lazy. I realised I was thinking of the packing and the number of hours on the road, but also deep down I knew I needed the break. I realized I have been extremely tired lately.
The realization of the need for me to go on our yearly vacation did not register until a few days before the trip, our garage door broke down and I called for a guy to help fix it, while the guy was fixing the garage he asked me to pull out my car, so that he could re-centre the garage door to its proper place. I gladly got into my vehicle, and prior to this I could see the repairman’s vehicle outside my garage door, so I noted the need to be careful while reversing but alas, I drove straight into the car, my radio was on, and I heard the warning signals from my car but I thought I was only getting close to the flower pot in my peripheral view, the next thing I heard was a sound confirming that my bumper had brushed his vehicle. I have never been so embarrassed in my life, but my mind was definitely somewhere else, my thoughts were all over the place, I was physically tired and fatigued, I was multitasking, and my plates had been so full for a while, and it was apparent I needed a break. That was my final sign, a confirmation of the need to engage in self-care.
You may be lucky, perhaps you have not done anything stupid like me, maybe you are on edge already snarling at your kids, or complaining about things you used to enjoy doing, you may find yourself possibly lacking energy…these may be signs that you need to take some time for yourself, to take a rest and engage in self-care. It may be time for that holiday or even a day of rest at home.
Many women feel guilty for engaging in self-care activities, we look at all those piles of clothes to be folded, those dishes to be stacked in the dishwasher – yet we refuse to take a break. What if we were to delegate duties? The world will not crash if you decide to take a day off, the sun will still rise from the East and set in the West even if you chose to go on vacation, because when you decide to pamper yourself, you will regain your sanity back, boost your energy levels back up, you will be more compassionate and understanding towards your family members or the people that you work with and even be more productive and finally, I always tell my clients, you can only give from what you have, if you have nothing left and you are completely drained of energy, then what will you give your children, hubby or colleagues?
As for me I did go on that vacation, I even had a full body massage done and I am back now with more energy and plans to slow down and engage in more self-care activities such as meditation, getting into bed earlier than before, listening to music and not passing by an opportunity to have power naps in the afternoon.
If you want to know more about self-care activities and you feel you are already burnt out, and you need help, reach out to a therapist near you or do contact me at the address below. We all need to refuel and recharge.
Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling services.
Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456
It has long been believed that having faith is key to getting through some of life’s greatest challenges. A spiritual practice can often give people the strength and confidence to push through obstacles and make positive changes. But can faith have a positive effect on depression and anxiety? According to new research, it can. Your […]
It has long been believed that having faith is key to getting through some of life’s greatest challenges. A spiritual practice can often give people the strength and confidence to push through obstacles and make positive changes.
But can faith have a positive effect on depression and anxiety? According to new research, it can.
Your Brain on Spirituality
According to a study published in JAMA Psychiatry, meditation or any other form of regular spiritual practice (such as prayer or religious contemplation) has been linked to a thickening of the brain cortex. The study, which was the first to investigate whether there is any physical evidence in the brain linked to the protective effects of faith against depression, looked at 103 adults at either high or low risk of depression, based on family history.
At the end of the study, magnetic resonance was used to view participants’ brains, and the images clearly showed thicker cortices in those participants who placed a high importance on religion or spirituality than those who did not.
But even more significant was the fact that the thicker cortex was found in exactly the same regions of the brain that had shown thinning in people with a high risk for depression.
3 Ways Faith Can Help You Fight Depression and Anxiety
Every individual requires unique treatment methods to combat their symptoms of depression. While cognitive behavioral therapy and prescription medications work well for many people, many others may be helped by embracing a spiritual practice.
If you are suffering with depression, here are three reasons why you may want to focus more on your faith:
1. Faith Offers Hope
A belief in a loving power greater than ourselves can help us feel hopeful, even in our darkest hours. Faith turns wishful thinking into great expectations. And when we start to expect goodness in our lives, we naturally feel hopeful for our future.
2. Your Behaviors Evolve
Whether it’s through praying, meditating, or attending some sort of spiritual service or gathering, faith-filled people tend to experience positive changes in their attitudes and behaviors. Where once you may have had a knee-jerk emotional reaction to a situation, you might now be able to center yourself instead and face situations with calmness and clarity.
3. Your Perception Changes
Faith has a way of helping us see ourselves and our lives differently. Problems turn into opportunities, enemies into friends, and impossibilities into possibilities.
While it may take some time before you feel relief from your depression or anxiety, by embracing faith, you will be better able to cope with the symptoms.
If you or a loved one are suffering from depression or anxiety and would also like to explore treatment options, please reach out. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-the-questions/201603/4-powerful-ways-spirituality-can-ease-anxiety-and-depression
https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/07/31/for-many-with-severe-mental-illness-spirituality-plays-role-in-well-being/137462.html
https://psychcentral.com/news/2014/01/19/how-spirituality-protects-the-brain-against-depression/64698.html
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/1792140
At some point in life, most of us have experienced being in a toxic relationship, whether we’re aware of it or not. People of all ages, nationalities and sexual orientations can find themselves in an unhealthy relationship, confused as to how they got there, or perhaps even unsure the situation is unhealthy. While physical abuse […]
At some point in life, most of us have experienced being in a toxic relationship, whether we’re aware of it or not. People of all ages, nationalities and sexual orientations can find themselves in an unhealthy relationship, confused as to how they got there, or perhaps even unsure the situation is unhealthy.
While physical abuse is obvious, mental and emotional abuse can be subtle. It can also be particularly hard to notice things are wrong when you suffer from low self-worth. Abusive behavior can seem right to those who don’t know their own value.
Here are 5 signs you’re in an abusive relationship.
1. Undermining
When you try to speak with your partner, do they refuse to hear your side? Do they deny everything you say to the point of questioning your sanity? Do you question your own? Having disagreements is normal, but a partner who refuses to have an open conversation is problematic.
2. Isolating You from Others
If you feel you need the love, support and energy of close friends and family, but your partner isolates you from them, this is a sign of abuse. It could be subtle, pretending to be sick or in a funk to get you to stay home with them instead; or it could be more obvious, as in forbidding you to see certain people.
3. Put Downs
Saying something you know will be hurtful to someone is a form of verbal abuse. You are intentionally causing them pain. Though it may be said in jest, the humor may simply be a cover for cruelty.
If your partner is constantly putting you down or intentionally pushing your buttons, this is a sign of disrespect and even hostility.
4. Using the Guilt Card
Much abuse comes in the form of manipulation, and guilt is one of the easiest ways to manipulate another’s emotions to get them to do what you want. If you feel you are being manipulated through guilt to the point where you’re ready to give up any power you have in the relationship, this is a sign something may be going on. For instance, it is natural and healthy for a person to need time alone. Does your partner guilt you into spending your alone time with them?
5. Controlling Your Behavior
This could mean a broad range of things, from controlling how you dress to what you say and where you go. Again, it may be subtle. Maybe they buy you clothes often and tease you about your sense of style, or lack thereof. Maybe they tease you and say that you sound “silly” not knowing what you’re talking about regarding politics. This is disrespectful and abusive.
How to Recover from an Abusive Relationship
– Learn how to spot controlling behaviors so you can be clear about what is happening to you.
– Become your own greatest strength and support by beginning to trust your instincts, thoughts, and feelings.
– Surround yourself with those who love and respect you and want the best for you.
You may also want to seek guidance from a trained counselor. They can help you see reality clearly and offer strategies to extract yourself from the relationship so you can begin to heal.
If you or a loved one is in an abusive relationship and are interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may help.
Have you ever wondered why some marriages last decades while others barely go two years? Why do some couples thrive and grow together while others crash and burn? The secret? There are three secrets, actually; three ingredients to a happy and successful marriage. Without all three of these, many couples will struggle to remain connected […]
Have you ever wondered why some marriages last decades while others barely go two years? Why do some couples thrive and grow together while others crash and burn?
The secret? There are three secrets, actually; three ingredients to a happy and successful marriage. Without all three of these, many couples will struggle to remain connected and committed.
Communication
Communication is to a marriage what gasoline is to an automobile: without it, you’re not going anywhere. And the better the communication, the longer the “motor” will last.
The words we choose to connect with others are incredibly important. Use the right ones and you generate feelings of love, safety, and security. Use the wrong ones and your partner is apt to feel anger and resentment.
It is often said that HOW you say something is as important as WHAT you say, and in many ways, this is true. When you ask your spouse a question, is their answer thoughtful or dismissive? Do they say, “Yes, that sounds like a great plan,” or “Whatever?” Both are affirmative, but only the first sentence is positive and respectful.
But perhaps the most important factor of good communication is listening. Many marriages have been improved when one or more people learn how to be a good listener.
How exactly do you become a good listener? Two ways: Start caring more about your partner – when you care for someone, you are truly interested in what they have to say. Second, when they are speaking, don’t think about other things – don’t think about your day or what you’d like to have for dinner – don’t even think about how you’d like to respond to what your partner is saying, simply LISTEN to them. Give them your full attention.
The better listeners and communicators you both are, the better partners you can be to each other.
Know Yourself and Your Partner
The sad fact is, most people spend more time trying to understand how their smartphone or tablet works than how their own personality – or that of their partner -works. We’re all individuals with unique quirks and behaviors. The more we understand about ourselves and our spouse, the less conflict we’ll experience.
Put Each Other First
Happy and successful marriages are the ones where each person is putting their partner’s needs first. When both are doing this, all needs are being met. Problems arise when only one individual meets their partner’s needs. When this happens, one person is happy, the other is left out in the cold.
If, after reading this, you have become aware that your marriage is missing some of these critical ingredients, don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist. Sometimes an impartial third party can help both individuals get their priorities straight.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
Few things zap your energy the way a stressful day can. Stress is known to reduce our levels of serotonin and dopamine, neurotransmitters that play an important role in our mood, energy and motivation. After a difficult day, you might be tempted to lounge on the couch watching TV until it’s time to go to […]
Few things zap your energy the way a stressful day can. Stress is known to reduce our levels of serotonin and dopamine, neurotransmitters that play an important role in our mood, energy and motivation. After a difficult day, you might be tempted to lounge on the couch watching TV until it’s time to go to bed. Although it might feel good in the moment, it won’t give you the mood and energy lift you need after a rough day. Here are five simple ways you can recharge yourself.
1. Unplug
After a stress-filled day, you need to unwind—and that means turning off your phone for some much-needed “me” time. It can be tempting to sit on the couch with your phone all night, checking emails, responding to texts, or getting lost on Facebook or Instagram.
Unplug. Turn your phone off and put it in a drawer in a room in your house that’s out of the way, or leave it in your car. Don’t touch it again until after you’ve had a good night’s rest.
2. Go Outside
If the sun is still out after your rough day, put on your comfy shoes and go for a quick walk. Exposure to the sunlight will help your brain release serotonin, which will boost your mood and help you feel calm and focused. Exercise is also one of the best ways you can improve your mood, helping you relieve stress and sleep better at night. Even if the sun is down, a walk outside will still help, as the exercise and fresh air will help you feel invigorated.
3. Refresh Yourself
After a tough day, take the time to refresh yourself by taking a 45-minute nap. A quick 5 or 10-minute meditation session can also help lift you up. Use your phone to find a guided meditation on YouTube, or play some relaxing music while you meditate quietly for a few minutes. You can also pamper yourself with a bubble bath, or if you need something more uplifting, take a quick shower. Before you get out of the shower, splash some ice cold water in your face; the chill will refresh you and wake you up.
4. Eat Healthy
A healthy dinner or snack is just the thing you need after a rough day. Avoid comfort foods that will leave you feeling sluggish. Instead, fuel your body with protein, fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. These foods will slowly release energy into your bloodstream, and you’ll likely get a mental boost as well from the feel-good result of eating healthy.
5. Make Plans
Looking forward to something is a great way to boost your mood long-term. Plan a vacation, a weekend getaway, or just a day trip. Even planning a special meal, or a visit to a new bar or restaurant will help; give yourself something to look forward to.
Are you struggling to maintain your energy levels? Is stress causing you to feel tired, anxious or depressed? A licensed therapist can help you find ways to manage stressful situations. Call my office today and let’s schedule a time to talk.
Self-care is complex. Anyone can tell you to do it, but only you can bestow the gift of self-care onto yourself. But before you can begin bestowing, you’ve got to first recognize that you are worthy of caring for yourself as you do others. How do you do this? By noticing the ways in which you are currently not […]
Self-care is complex. Anyone can tell you to do it, but only you can bestow the gift of self-care onto yourself. But before you can begin bestowing, you’ve got to first recognize that you are worthy of caring for yourself as you do others.
How do you do this? By noticing the ways in which you are currently not taking very good care of yourself.
Here are 5 signs you aren’t practicing self-care. If any seem familiar, it is time to make more time for yourself:
1. You Get Sick More Often
When we don’t take proper care of ourselves, our health takes a big hit. Lack of proper sleep and nutrition can lead to a taxed immune system, which in turn makes you vulnerable to infections, colds, flu, and other immune-related medical problems.
2. Increased Moodiness
What happens when a child does not get the care and attention they deserve? They begin to act out in order to get any attention. In much the same way, a lack of self-care and feeling of unimportance can lead to increased irritability. Leaving this unchecked can result in personal and professional relationships being negatively affected.
3. Unpleasant Physical Symptoms
What can start out as unpleasant (and even scary) physical symptoms, can be a sign of poor self-care. Symptoms may include dizziness, shortness of breath, chest pains, heart palpitations, abdominal pain, headaches, and fainting spells. All of these symptoms should be checked out by your healthcare provider immediately.
4. A Feeling of Isolation
When you feel you don’t deserve to care for yourself, you naturally feel unworthy of enjoying other aspects of life, like socializing and a true connection to friends and family. This can lead to a detachment of others and a sense of isolation.
5. Depression
Feelings of worthlessness can snowball into feelings of hopelessness and depression. If you have noticed yourself slipping farther and farther into a depression, it is important that you seek help from a mental health professional. They can help you recognize where the darkness has come from, and how to break through back into the light.
If you or a loved one is experiencing depression, or would simply like some help practicing self-care, please be in touch with me. I would be more than happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
It was an ordinary day, and I was simply myself a few hours before I received the sad news…I remembered I was so happy that weekend that I danced heartily with my kids in the sitting room but alas a mere couple of hours later while sleeping, the phone rang. Being a light sleeper, I […]
It was an ordinary day, and I was simply myself a few hours before I received the sad news…I remembered I was so happy that weekend that I danced heartily with my kids in the sitting room but alas a mere couple of hours later while sleeping, the phone rang. Being a light sleeper, I woke up to hearing my hubby talking to my immediate younger brother on the phone. I sat upright on the bed and I could literally hear my heart pounding so hard, it was racing so fast, I knew something was wrong, I could not help it but I was still holding onto the very last string of hope I could find..possibly a miracle, I was still hoping the story would have a happy ending, but alas I heard my hubby mention the truth that my other younger brother had passed on. This was a morning I never wanted to replay in my mind.
I had lost people before, my father died at the age of 80, I still miss him but he needed the rest, I had lost family members but my very own sibling, the one I grew up with, the one that I fought with so many times and also prayed for on multiple occasions..it was devastating. I cried for days, was practically sad and on the day he was to be buried, I was practically not myself – I don’t even want to remember that day…those hours were not pretty.
However I survived, I mourned him bitterly, it took me a while to get over the loss. Some people may berate you, claiming that you are taking forever to get over it and that you should cheer up, it is okay… they mean no harm, if need be, tell them kindly to respect your space.
We grieve differently, accepting the hurt, putting closure to an issue or loss in one’s life differs for each one. I am not ashamed that it took me a long time to get over his loss, I will never get over the pain of losing one of my siblings but I am glad that I am living life differently now, knowing that I have to radically accept (thanks to Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) the fact that he is no more on this side of the planet. I had to move on, I still think of him quite often but not every day anymore and the pain is less now. Have I accepted the fact that he is gone, o yes… I finally did, but it took me a while, but I am glad I am in a better place today thinking about him, writing about him and not breaking down.
Perhaps, you are still mourning the loss of someone or something, please take your time..don’t rush your emotions, it is not a show of weakness to grieve, it is actually a show of strength, feel free to mourn the loss, Queen Elizabeth II once shared that grief is the price we pay for love.
David Kessler and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross shared the five stages of grief in their book titled “On Grief and Grieving”, and the steps are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. For me… I realised it took me forever to accept finally, some people may actually still be angry right now, some might still be in denial, some may also be depressed…but wherever you are on the stages of grief, please know that one day you will catch a glimpse of that beautiful rainbow of acceptance. I can proudly say that my brother’s death helped to shape my new life now. Today, as a Psychotherapist, I counsel individuals, couples and people that are grieving, and I let them know that I once walked in their shoes, and one blessing that I found out is that the more I help these people, the more I heal. The more I see them smile despite their pains, the more I feel the presence of my brother around me.
If you feel like chatting with someone about what happened, please feel free to send me an email or contact a therapist near you. Talk therapy helps.
Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, psychotherapy and counselling services. She can be reached at the following address.
Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456
At New Beginnings Barrie, we specialize in treating individuals, couples and families. My name is Ibukun Ogunsina, I enjoy working collaboratively with my clients to help them chart a new course in life. If you’re interested in becoming a better, happier, more fulfilled you, I’d love to work with you every step of the way […]
At New Beginnings Barrie, we specialize in treating individuals, couples and families. My name is Ibukun Ogunsina, I enjoy working collaboratively with my clients to help them chart a new course in life.
If you’re interested in becoming a better, happier, more fulfilled you, I’d love to work with you every step of the way and assist you in making sense of life again.
Please contact me today!
Office No: 705 241 8456
www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Recently, after speaking at a seminar, one of the participants approached me and asked how I manage to keep it all together in my marriage. I looked at the beautiful woman, and I shared that I am still learning how to. However, there are two things my hubby and I do that calm us daily […]
Recently, after speaking at a seminar, one of the participants approached me and asked how I manage to keep it all together in my marriage. I looked at the beautiful woman, and I shared that I am still learning how to. However, there are two things my hubby and I do that calm us daily and help us:
1. We always pray together daily.
2. We never leave the house without hugging and kissing each other.
No matter what time of the morning it is, or the circumstances we’re in – even if one of us (usually me) is still battling with yesterday’s discussion – once we are up, we pray together and, when it is time for one of us to leave the house, we drop everything else and hug and kiss each other.
In my line of work, I have realized that these two simple acts of love constitute an activity called “grounding.” These acts of love help marriages to remain intact. They help to fortify and strengthen a couple’s love for each other. In the midst of praying together, and hugging and kissing each other, yesterday’s banter is forgotten, and one is simply grateful to God for another day to love each other.
So, what do you do to ground yourself in your marriage? How do you keep it all together? How do you fortify your marriage walls and make them impenetrable to unforgiveness, resentment, anger and temptation? You could engage in a daily prayer meeting with your spouse, even for just 10 minutes. You could commit to a once-a-week fast devoted to strengthening your marriage, or you could text each other to check up on each other at work. Whatever you do, do it in love. Make sure you are working on your marriage. Make sure you are sowing seeds and setting an excellent example for your children to follow.
Much Love
Ibukun
