It was supposed to be our date night. As a therapist, I advocate for date nights during couples sessions with clients, and I try to walk my talk. Date nights are usually weekly evenings spent with one’s spouse solely focussed on rekindling the love in their relationship. Couples sometimes go out to eat, watch movies together or spend some hours in the company of each other, and this habit helps to restore love, repair relationships, and improve communication and intimacy amongst couples in general.
But then mine seemed to be spiraling negatively downwards this particular night even before we stepped out of the house. In retrospect, I should not have taken the phone call. I should have called the person back. But then I did, and trying to be the peacekeeper sometimes leaves a residue of stress on me. I could feel I was emotionally drained, and traces of micro-aggressions were directed at me in the process of it all.
So, what did I do to have my peace back? I did what Jenee Johnson said in her Mindful Magazine interview; she shared that when micro-aggressions come, mindfulness offers one protection. We don’t have to be caught up and reactive. We can have self-compassion, and that self-compassion builds our courage.
So engaging in mindfulness helped to ground me that night, I quickly participated in a brief body scan exercise. I went through all my body parts one by one starting from my head to my shoulders and down to my toes. This activity brought full relaxation to me and helped me to become mindful and fully present in my body. It also brought back the joyful mood that I so much needed, and finally helped me to stop carrying the burden that was not mine to carry and allowed me to move fully into my joy and enjoy my date night with my spouse.
If you or a loved one want to know how to calm yourself or re-center yourself when you are stressed and are interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may help.
Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456
Photo by Lon Christensen on Unsplash