Racism: my views

I am a black Psychotherapist living in North America. I once lived with my family for close to 15 years in South Africa, where apartheid was fought and eradicated.

Here I am, the mother of an almost ten-year-old black boy. I have watched the events of the past few weeks on TV. In as much as I have tried to limit my exposure to social media and I have also been able to regulate my emotions by making use of some of the emotion regulation skills that I practice with my clients in session, I am still distraught.

How do I control my anxieties when my son goes off to school or university, and I am not there?

How do I get over the fear that besets a lot of mothers like me with the same skin color?

Don’t get me wrong, my confidant who has my back always; my prayer partner, my movies buddies who are both grandmothers now, my birthday mate, who is also my adviser and my very kind neighbor, who is fully aware of my pollen allergies, and takes it upon herself to help me with my flowerbeds every year, these women are all white.

I can call upon these women in the middle of the night to pray along with me or assist with some tasks for me, and they will drop everything they are doing and answer me. We have stayed in each other’s homes, prayed for each other’s spouses and families, and have traveled on holidays together, so how do I make sense of these injustices based on the color of my skin?

At work, 90% of my clients are white; my retainership is 95 percent. Initially, I used to think white clients are attracted to me because we are not related, but most of my clients say they appreciate me because of my authenticity and empathy, why? I treat my white clients and my black clients the same. I treat all of them with love and care because this job is a calling for me.

However, I have been subjected to systemic racism in this industry, as well. I remember a time when someone in a place of authority that I was supposed to learn from, denied me that opportunity and cost me to redo a program that she knew was uncalled for, or I often wonder even in the house of God, one rarely gets to see the black community fully represented on the board of elders, in my experience, black people are only shown recognition whenever the situation calls for “diversity” to be displayed.

My hubby has been stopped while driving and asked if he was the owner of the vehicle or when we moved to our neighborhood, being the only black family there, the number of stares we used to get and still get even after having lived here for five years when people drive through our neighborhood if such stares could be sold, my hubby and I would be millionaires today.

I can go on and on; however, two things that I do consistently to aid me to feel better in all of these happenings, is never to fail to pray for my children, the second thing is to do my part as their mother, to provide the best education for them, teach them how to respect themselves and others, teach them to be aware of boundaries, teach them to be confident and to be cordial. I know there will still be gaps, after all, I am not perfect, but in those areas where there are gaps, I am also fully aware that God will take over.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456