It was an ordinary day, and I was simply myself a few hours before I received the sad news…I remembered I was so happy that weekend that I danced heartily with my kids in the sitting room but alas a mere couple of hours later while sleeping, the phone rang. Being a light sleeper, I woke up to hearing my hubby talking to my immediate younger brother on the phone. I sat upright on the bed and I could literally hear my heart pounding so hard, it was racing so fast, I knew something was wrong, I could not help it but I was still holding onto the very last string of hope I could find..possibly a miracle, I was still hoping the story would have a happy ending, but alas I heard my hubby mention the truth that my other younger brother had passed on. This was a morning I never wanted to replay in my mind.

I had lost people before, my father died at the age of 80, I still miss him but he needed the rest, I had lost family members but my very own sibling, the one I grew up with, the one that I fought with so many times and also prayed for on multiple occasions..it was devastating. I cried for days, was practically sad and on the day he was to be buried, I was practically not myself – I don’t even want to remember that day…those hours were not pretty.

However I survived, I mourned him bitterly, it took me a while to get over the loss. Some people may berate you, claiming that you are taking forever to get over it and that you should cheer up, it is okay… they mean no harm, if need be, tell them kindly to respect your space.

We grieve differently, accepting the hurt, putting closure to an issue or loss in one’s life differs for each one. I am not ashamed that it took me a long time to get over his loss, I will never get over the pain of losing one of my siblings but I am glad that I am living life differently now, knowing that I have to radically accept (thanks to Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) the fact that he is no more on this side of the planet. I had to move on, I still think of him quite often but not every day anymore and the pain is less now. Have I accepted the fact that he is gone, o yes… I finally did, but it took me a while, but I am glad I am in a better place today thinking about him, writing about him and not breaking down.

Perhaps, you are still mourning the loss of someone or something, please take your time..don’t rush your emotions, it is not a show of weakness to grieve, it is actually a show of strength, feel free to mourn the loss, Queen Elizabeth II once shared that grief is the price we pay for love.

David Kessler and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross shared the five stages of grief in their book titled “On Grief and Grieving”, and the steps are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. For me… I realised it took me forever to accept finally, some people may actually still be angry right now, some might still be in denial, some may also be depressed…but wherever you are on the stages of grief, please know that one day you will catch a glimpse of that beautiful rainbow of acceptance. I can proudly say that my brother’s death helped to shape my new life now. Today, as a Psychotherapist, I counsel individuals, couples and people that are grieving, and I let them know that I once walked in their shoes, and one blessing that I found out is that the more I help these people, the more I heal. The more I see them smile despite their pains, the more I feel the presence of my brother around me.

If you feel like chatting with someone about what happened, please feel free to send me an email or contact a therapist near you. Talk therapy helps.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, psychotherapy and counselling services. She can be reached at the following address.

Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456

At New Beginnings Barrie, we specialize in treating individuals, couples and families. My name is Ibukun Ogunsina, I enjoy working collaboratively with my clients to help them chart a new course in life.

If you’re interested in becoming a better, happier, more fulfilled you, I’d love to work with you every step of the way and assist you in making sense of life again.

Please contact me today!

Office No: 705 241 8456
www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com

Recently, after speaking at a seminar, one of the participants approached me and asked how I manage to keep it all together in my marriage. I looked at the beautiful woman, and I shared that I am still learning how to. However, there are two things my hubby and I do that calm us daily and help us:

1. We always pray together daily.
2. We never leave the house without hugging and kissing each other.

No matter what time of the morning it is, or the circumstances we’re in – even if one of us (usually me) is still battling with yesterday’s discussion – once we are up, we pray together and, when it is time for one of us to leave the house, we drop everything else and hug and kiss each other.

In my line of work, I have realized that these two simple acts of love constitute an activity called “grounding.” These acts of love help marriages to remain intact. They help to fortify and strengthen a couple’s love for each other. In the midst of praying together, and hugging and kissing each other, yesterday’s banter is forgotten, and one is simply grateful to God for another day to love each other.

So, what do you do to ground yourself in your marriage? How do you keep it all together? How do you fortify your marriage walls and make them impenetrable to unforgiveness, resentment, anger and temptation? You could engage in a daily prayer meeting with your spouse, even for just 10 minutes. You could commit to a once-a-week fast devoted to strengthening your marriage, or you could text each other to check up on each other at work. Whatever you do, do it in love. Make sure you are working on your marriage. Make sure you are sowing seeds and setting an excellent example for your children to follow.

Much Love
Ibukun

I am the type of mom who screams at my kids’ games. At my daughter’s volleyball practices or my son’s soccer practices, you will hear me encouraging them, shouting, “You go, girl!” or “You can do it, boy!” Even at their graduation, you could hear me saying loudly, “That’s my girl,” when each of them went up to receive their certificates.

I am not shy. I am a certified eternal encourager. However, on one particular Sunday, I was at my son’s soccer practice, and I noticed that my boy was not pulling his usual stunts. I still encouraged him by saying my usual words: “You go, boy! Grab the ball! Score that goal!!!” He tried, but I realized he was mostly staying in the middle of the field. So, at the end of the game, I asked him what happened. There were so many opportunities for him to go and grab the ball, but he didn’t. I told him he was acting more like a midfielder instead of a striker. He looked at me, smiling, and said, “Mom… I was put in a position of a defender. I was supposed to defend my team.” Hmmm… that sank in and made sense.

So it is with life! There are rules in life. We have been positioned in this world to run a race and to do something. Some of us are here to counsel, while some are here to heal. Some are here to teach, while some are here to entertain. A lot of people will scream, wanting to discourage or even try to encourage us, but we need to be aware of our calling-our roles. We should refrain from being distracted by others.

Be self-aware. Know yourself and stay in your lane. Listen less to the crowd. Most people don’t know what you are going through; they do not know your story. Some may actually mean well when they scream at you. Thank them for it, but listen more to your Creator. Remain strong, and all will be well.

In His grace
Ibukun