February Blog

It was an ordinary day, and I was simply myself a few hours before I received the sad news…I remembered I was so happy that weekend that I danced heartily with my kids in the sitting room but alas a mere couple of hours later while sleeping, the phone rang. Being a light sleeper, I woke up to hearing my hubby talking to my immediate younger brother on the phone. I sat upright on the bed and I could literally hear my heart pounding so hard, it was racing so fast, I knew something was wrong, I could not help it but I was still holding onto the very last string of hope I could find..possibly a miracle, I was still hoping the story would have a happy ending, but alas I heard my hubby mention the truth that my other younger brother had passed on. This was a morning I never wanted to replay in my mind.

I had lost people before, my father died at the age of 80, I still miss him but he needed the rest, I had lost family members but my very own sibling, the one I grew up with, the one that I fought with so many times and also prayed for on multiple occasions..it was devastating. I cried for days, was practically sad and on the day he was to be buried, I was practically not myself – I don’t even want to remember that day…those hours were not pretty.

However I survived, I mourned him bitterly, it took me a while to get over the loss. Some people may berate you, claiming that you are taking forever to get over it and that you should cheer up, it is okay… they mean no harm, if need be, tell them kindly to respect your space.

We grieve differently, accepting the hurt, putting closure to an issue or loss in one’s life differs for each one. I am not ashamed that it took me a long time to get over his loss, I will never get over the pain of losing one of my siblings but I am glad that I am living life differently now, knowing that I have to radically accept (thanks to Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) the fact that he is no more on this side of the planet. I had to move on, I still think of him quite often but not every day anymore and the pain is less now. Have I accepted the fact that he is gone, o yes… I finally did, but it took me a while, but I am glad I am in a better place today thinking about him, writing about him and not breaking down.

Perhaps, you are still mourning the loss of someone or something, please take your time..don’t rush your emotions, it is not a show of weakness to grieve, it is actually a show of strength, feel free to mourn the loss, Queen Elizabeth II once shared that grief is the price we pay for love.

David Kessler and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross shared the five stages of grief in their book titled “On Grief and Grieving”, and the steps are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. For me… I realised it took me forever to accept finally, some people may actually still be angry right now, some might still be in denial, some may also be depressed…but wherever you are on the stages of grief, please know that one day you will catch a glimpse of that beautiful rainbow of acceptance. I can proudly say that my brother’s death helped to shape my new life now. Today, as a Psychotherapist, I counsel individuals, couples and people that are grieving, and I let them know that I once walked in their shoes, and one blessing that I found out is that the more I help these people, the more I heal. The more I see them smile despite their pains, the more I feel the presence of my brother around me.

If you feel like chatting with someone about what happened, please feel free to send me an email or contact a therapist near you. Talk therapy helps.

Written by Ibukun Ogunsina, New Beginnings Barrie, psychotherapy and counselling services. She can be reached at the following address.

Website: www.newbeginningsbarrie.com
E-mail: inquiry@newbeginningsbarrie.com
Tel: +1 705 241 8456